Monday, July 13, 2009
Enjoy the Journey
+I love this picture of Cayden! The bandana he's wearing says "Eliminate deltaF508" This is the cf mutation he has.
4 years ago today, my entire life changed. Chris and I live our life by the motto: "Not better, not worse, but different." Well, 4 years ago I thought my life was worse. It was today 4 years ago that I heard the words "Your son does have cystic fibrosis." 4 years ago that for the first time in my life I questioned God's presence in my life. For the first time in my life, I was angry at God. I had lost my house in a fire 6 months earlier, but nothing seemed more devastating than this. There were so many questions, so many left unanswered. "How are we going to do this?" "Are we going to have more kids?" We were completely numb.
Chris and I were thrown into a whirl wind of information and never really looked back since that day. We began the enormous task of "enjoying the journey" and finally understanding what we said "I do" to on our wedding day. Our wedding vows rang in my head..."for better, for WORSE."
And as I think back to 4 years ago, I realize that I have become a better, stronger person. I have accepted imperfection in my life and I'm ok with that. It has become now my second conversion of faith. I know now more than ever that God did know what He was doing (ok, so I need to work on the virtue of humility) and that He very much had a plan.
Chris and I have worked so hard to cure CF (and have raised over $75,000 in the process) in just 4 years. We will never ever know what could have been or what if. But I know in my heart that CF will be cured and soon. I promised Cayden to never stop fighting, to never let CF take him away. And I will hold true to that promise. And we will look back and thank God for allowing CF to be part of who we are as a family. So that another family may one day not have to experience what we had to. I love you Cayden!
Today, this is my prayer. I surrender all to you, Lord.